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I feel really bad about my body right now. I think it's starting to affect parts of my life. I hate walking by a mirror for the off chance I'll catch a side angle. It's affecting my "romantic" life because I never feel attractive. And unfortunately, when I feel this way, I'm indulging more in bad food rather than doing something about it. I've actually restarted my "diet" several times, but then something happens and I stop.

I know it's possible to do something about it. In 2003 I did Body-For-Life. It was great! I felt awesome. I only lost 9 pounds, but I got fit and dropped from a size 10 to a size 6. I looked great too! I did the 12 week program from February to May and kept it up for the most part until I got pregnant in July 2003. After I lost the baby, I got depressed and didn't do anything to lose the 10 pounds I gained during those 10 weeks. After that I was consumed with trying to get pregnant and by the time I got pregnant with Grace, I had gained another 5 pounds. Now, I'm still 10 pounds heavier than my pre-pregnancy weight.

Here's my motivation. I want to look and feel better about myself. I know once I get going I'll have more energy and feel better in general. I'm running out of time. Once I get pregnant again, I can't call these 10 pounds "baby weight." It's entirely possible that I'll be pregnant again in a year or less (we're planning on starting again next spring), so I want to be sure I get back to where I want to be before that happens. I want to make it a lifestyle so Grace will be used to eating healthy. I don't want to make it hard for her to stay at a reasonable weight growing up or as an adult. Maybe if I start losing, Eric will decide to join me. Sounds like I'm motivated right?

Here's the challenge...time. I definately can find time to exercise, but it will involve either getting up early (5:30 a.m.) which I'm not great at or giving up part of my evenings after Grace is in bed (after 8 p.m.). We have DVR now, so I can't use TV as an excuse. Dinners are hard too, because Grace starts dinner (and the rest of her nighttime routine) at around 6:30 p.m. The key will be to have a plan and start dinner as soon as I get home from work, so we can eat before she does.

Tonight I'm going to plan for next week, so I can get groceries tomorrow evening. We are going to Indiana Saturday and coming back Sunday afternoon, so I won't have time to shop then. I am planning on cooking what I can (chicken, etc) on Sunday's so I'll have less prep time in the evenings. I will keep track of diet and exercise. I'll update my diet blog, but I also bought the Body-For-Life journal and will keep it up daily. It was $25, so that in itself will make me not want to quit. I don't want to waste my money, by stopping on Day 3 and not being able to use it.

So, the diet starts Monday. I'll be taking "before" pictures, weighing and measuring with updates every 4 weeks. Feel free to follow along in my diet blog if you want, but wish me luck and I'll really try to stay on track this time.